Saturday, October 27, 2007

Between the Lines



Who am I…

I am content…
When I finally die, I want Hugh Hefner’s life
to pass before my tired eyes

I am courageous…
Oh, I have no real fear of dying,
but pain sure can scare the hell out of me

I am funny…
Folks say I’m very witty
I say I’m only half way there; a half-wit

I am compassionate…
Women: blind, lame, deaf, or indifferent,
eighteen to eighty, I want them all

I am sober…
If there is no cold Guinness in the afterlife
then I’m damn well refusing to die

I am restrained…
If I wasn’t supposed to fondle myself regularly,
why are my arms this length?

I am disciplined…
The genie calling from the bottle is amber
and answers to the name tequila

I am focused…
I’m the fool who jumps into a pool of tits
and comes up sucking my thumb

I am knowledgeable…
Nothing is what it appears to be in this world;
except maybe mucus

I am civilized…
So many wonderful wanton women,
but so damned little time left to play

I am frugal…
If it cost just a dollar to go around the world
I couldn’t get around the block

I am observant…
There’s nothing more beautiful
than fine hairs on a girls breast in sunlight

I am sympathetic…
Ignorant and unthinking people
should be run through a chipper for mulch

I am patient…
Children should neither be seen nor heard
they should be barbecued

I am honest…
As a last resort, I’m the guy for you
but don’t let me near your daughters

I am structured…
My life is a series of irritating unplanned events
followed by a long nap

I am me…

© R. C. Arquette
11/13/02