Thursday, October 16, 2008

My Halloween of Pain















When Halloween mischief
becomes more than a prank …
turning thoughtless and cruel…
the spirits of the night
have an unspoken way
of exacting a balance…
applying sudden doses
of pain and humiliation
to the unthinking
perpetrators
as punishment
for their foul deeds…
I know…
I was such a prankster…

at fifteen
too old for the door to door
‘trick or treat’ of childhood,
but always ready
for a Halloween of hijinks
and irritating trickery…
assemble three teenaged boys
on a moonless Halloween night
add a carton of fresh eggs
and Mr. Trouble
won’t be too far away…

the three of us
had seen toilet papered trees,
garbage cans turned over,
window soaped,
mailboxes battered
the usual deviltry
as we passed little groups
of ghosts, skeletons,
goblins and fairies
who laughed and squealed
as they moved
house to house
in the black velvet
cover of night…

our trio had been restrained…
enjoying the freedom
of wandering the streets
as if invisible…
wrapped
in a cloak of darkness…
while avoiding
the occasional
patrol car by hiding
behind buildings and hedges…

Gilbert was tired
of carrying his ‘dozen eggs’
and longed for a worthy target…
then, like a wish come true
around the next turn…
drifting into view
there appeared a house…
in the back,
a patio glowed in floodlight…
a tall fence surrounded
its perimeter…
adults laughing and drinking…
older folks by their sound…
having a Halloween
get together…
the yard outside the fence
was almost pitch black…
Gilbert grinned, ‘let’s do it!’…

we three zealots of mischief
quickly divided up the
‘cackle-berries’…
then standing back
thirty feet in the darkness
we let loose
a rapid fire volley…
each of us unleashing
four eggs in quick succession…
each dropping into the light
then disappearing
behind the fence…

the laughter stopped…
then the shouts rang out…
a women squealed…
men cursed…
the night came alive
as a gate was flung open…
light shot out in a bright ‘V’
across the corner of the yard…

the three of us jumped…
sensing death
and dismemberment
we took off at full bore
in opposite directions…
the adrenaline pumped
as I chuckled to myself
and sprinted awkwardly away
from the angry revelers…

I hadn’t raced twenty feet
when running full bore through a line
of tall, shaggy barked, punk trees
I hit a short, rolled wire fence,
invisible in the darkness…
which caught me across my thighs
and flipped me violently
over on my face
in the thick, damp grass…

confused by the sudden stop…
it had knocked the wind out me
and left me groaning into
the dirt and sod…
but the figures in the light
behind me grew closer
and louder…
I didn’t have time to lay there…
I had to make my get away
or suffer the wrath
of the mad party-goers…

I dragged myself to my feet…
wobbling on rubbery legs,
glanced over my shoulder
to see the angry crowd closing…
and then took off again…
running in a panic through
an open lot next door…

I was up to full run again
when my luck ran out…
a ¾ inch galvanized pipe
with a hose bib on it,
unseen in the darkness
and the panic of the moment,
stood firmly in my path…

the head and handle
caught me square in the crotch…
WHAM!…
suddenly the stars came out…
man, I saw lots of freakin’ stars!…
I was hurt…
and again upended, landing,
on my grass and dirt stained face…
this time I just lay there…
cupping my injured male parts…
the knife like pain in my belly…
causing the choked sounds
of me sucking air
to fill the cool, crisp, night air….

the unholy threats
of my pursuers slowly faded away…
the night grew silent around me…
I no longer cared if I was caught…
Because at that moment
I had only one thought…
all I wanted to do was die…

I lay there for an eternity
focused on the pain…
and eventually
I found myself alone…
managing to stagger to my feet,
whining sheepishly
I took my bruised ego
And my battered body parts
and limped off into the night…

later I met up with my buddies…
they were ready to continue
the nights adventures…
I wasn’t…
I didn’t go into details,
but do to my ‘delicate condition’
I bowed out…
indicating, ‘thank you very much,’
but I’d had far too much
fun for one night…
possibly too much fun for a lifetime…

that was my Halloween of pain…
the night I became a believer
in the laws of Karma…

and the last time I ever tossed
an egg at anything!

R. C. Arquette
1/13/04