Delerium Golf

It was a wonderful warm
and sticky morn
in the parking lot
someone blew their horn
It was Rocky Raccoon,
having done his time
for the “rival shooting,”
fresh from the pen
he’d come to play
with yours truly,
plus Kinison,
Silverstein, and Lennon…
We fairway nuts
were here to shoot golfs!

It was tee time
at a quarter past ten
when at last
we five deranged friends
gathered at the
Snooty Palms clubhouse
with tequila,
clubs, and balls
Rocky insists on
driving the cart
his stubby cigar
befouling us all…
And we’re off
in search of elusive golfs!

Alive with
a misguided zen
it’s a déjà vu
of where and when
five mammals hanging
from a Cushman
arrive chattering and crazy
on number one tee
Kinison’s “Four!” scares
the foursome ahead
they run howling
into the River Birch trees…
Look out, here come
the loonies of golfs!

Lennon announces
he’s big wide hunter
shooting golfs with
bent pool cue putter
While Uncle Shelby
and I keep irate Rocky
from mugging the ratty
Caddyshack gopher
Kinison beaned some
nun up ahead
in a foursome
and is screaming out
a whacky
settlement offer…
And the inferior five
still haven’t seen golfs!

Of course the police finally came
put an end to our game
and carted us off to jail
But Lennon had cash
and he paid in a flash
so we all were released on bail
We ended the day
in the usual way
by downing pint after pint at McGills
Kinison took the lead
in a voice that made ears bleed
and we all sang “Hey Bungalow Bill”

the damn end –

© R.C. Arquette
6/16/00