Dog Tails: Argus

It was 1970
I was twenty
and still a few months
away from marriage and a family…
I was living in Gainesville Florida
home of the ‘Florida Gators’
and had moved into
a large two story house
with five other people…
most of whom were students…

a funny
and good natured Jim Kelly
was one of the roommates…
he brought with him
his big Saint Bernard,
an awesome looking animal
named Argus…

Argus…
a strong and fitting name,
was a large clumsy beast…
ordinarily sweet tempered…
who loved having
his chest pounded…

as this therapy was applied,
his back leg would
involuntarily slap the floor,
his tongue hanging out,
eyes closed, in sheer dog ecstasy…

Kelly raised Argus from a pup
so the dog was always
quite protective…
no one ‘messed with Kelly’
without having to deal with Argus…
we all knew of this trait
so we were careful not
to make any sudden
or threatening moves
around Argus…
of course, our idea of threatening
and Argus’ idea of threatening
were often open for interpretation,
as the following
will demonstrate…

we were a bunch
of grubby bachelors
with very little money…
so the big house we occupied
was devoid of furniture…
we also lacked the benefit
of a television…
Kelly borrowed a small
black and white set
from the guy next door
to have something
for all of us to watch…

one Saturday afternoon
about ten of we fellow mutants
were lying lazily
on the carpeted floor
in the old parlor of the house…
some sweaty sports event on the tube…
the little TV perched on the mantel…

the owner of the set showed up…
as luck would have it,
his set had blown up
and he was sorry,
but he needed his little set back
to watch something
he and his girlfriend
wanted to see…

we all groaned
all of us mildly irritated
at the turn of events,
but it was his set…
and he did say he was sorry…
so Kelly told him
to go ahead and take it…
one of the guys on the floor
unplugged it from the wall…
while unthinking our neighbor,
quickly stepped over Kelly
to grab his TV…

oops!…
the proverbial ‘big mistake’…
a large, silent blur
suddenly shot past
those of us on the floor…

it seems
our old friend Argus
had been lying quietly
in the next room
half snoozing…
he always seemed to keep
one eye open,
as he had this time,
when he saw the figure
of our unlucky neighbor
moving quickly,
standing tall over the prone…
[and in the dog’s opinion]
defenseless Kelly…

before he could
pick the set up
Argus bellowed one
ferocious bark
and bit down on the
guy’s right butt cheek…
he whipped his head
back and forth
violently…
our neighbor yelled…
surprised at the quickness
and ferocity of the attack…

his wallet went sailing
across the room…
the pocket and seat
of his pants were removed…
they flew in the other direction…
the seat of his jockey shorts
went with it…

Kelly sat up and grabbed
Argus’ collar, calling his name,
and pulled him away…
but not before he left
the guy’s bare butt bleeding
from a set of canine teeth marks…

we all sat numbed
and amazed by Argus’ defense…
our neighbor, tv in hand,
swung around with his back
to the wall and stared wide-eyed
at his glaring attacker…
Kelly quickly pulled the
big dog from the room
and put him in the
fenced backyard…
making his apologies
as he went…

the man’s voice wavered
as he said, ‘sure, okay,
guess I wasn’t thinking’…
Kelly was very apologetic,
saying he’d pay for
replacing his torn pants
and shredded underwear…
the guy numbly repeated,
‘sure, okay, guess I wasn’t thinking’…
as he grabbed the television
and quickly made his escape…
stumbling out through
the front door on rubbery legs…

there was a momentary quiet
as Kelley returned to the room…
he stopped in the doorway…
shaking his head…
I said, ‘I don’t think he’ll
be back here anytime soon!’
and we all broke up…
laughing hysterically…
remembering the look on his face…

at which point Argus,
having escaped the backyard,
came bounding back into the room…
he muscled past Kelly,
stopping at the front screen door,
and began barking furiously
at his departed target…
which of course just made us all
laugh even more…

this wasn’t the first time
Argus played the protector
and it wasn’t the last…
I’m just glad I was never on
the receiving end of one of his
shows of force!…

Nice doggie!….